H
ow could she have done this? Who has she been seeing? What should I do? He thought in the dark, agitated and pained by the discovery of his beloved’s pregnancy. His pillow, even with its down filling, felt like a rock. His head hurt. Terrible, jealous thoughts of her with another man flooded his brain, relentless and torturing. Impossible to sleep! He knew that to make much of this would accomplish nothing but embarrassment and disgrace. Despite the shock, the agony, the humiliation, he loved her still. In his pain and his rage he thought, She has done enough already to disgrace herself -- and me! The possibility of stoning entered his head. This he could not allow. He considered a quiet divorce. He would have to write a letter. He would need at least two witnesses. Who? What would become of her? What does a pregnant woman with no husband do?
Joseph made things from wood. Over the years of working with his father, he had become an extraordinary craftsman who could make a beautiful toy for a child, or a prized piece of furniture for a Roman home. Carpentry was his talent, but it was also his business. Joseph’s trade, as long as he was healthy, guaranteed his income. He was not rich, but neither was he among the poor. The best thing that had ever happened to him was this lovely virgin, the most beautiful, gentle creature he had ever known. Mary possessed his heart, his every thought. The desire to build her a home and to have her children consumed him. Knowledge of her pregnancy staggered him, shattering his dreams and along with his dreams, his heart. His mind tortured and pained, drew him into a vacuum of agonizing loneliness.
Shattered dreams are the cruelest of torturers. They lurk behind visions of contentment as hungry scavengers. They sear the heart with pain unimagined. They destroy life. They make one pull away from something good for fear that it will be taken away. It is easier and less painful to pull away from your dreams yourself than to have them ripped from you. It is easier to avoid the risk of rejection than to actually be rejected. That is why so few dare to dream, dare to risk, dare to try.
Woman? She is hardly more than a child. What is wrong with me? I thought she loved me. Why would she seek comfort in the arms of another? These last thoughts as he finally slipped into an anguished slumber. Outside a cricket chirped. Stars leisurely pirouetted, preparing to meet the dawn. Eyelids fluttering shut, his body shifting into a position for quiet, somniferous breathing . . .
“Joseph . . . son of David?”
Words that made his eyelids tremble. He glanced toward the casement before closing his eyes again. Still dark outside. It is not time to get up. He felt himself sink deeper into his bed. At last it felt good, like a womb. In a moment his hypnotic breathing returned.
“Joseph, son of David!”
Son of David? He hadn’t thought of himself in those terms for years. The words comforted him. His breathing deepened. Words whispered quietly into his dreams. Words emitting no sounds, only thoughts. Words permeating his mind.
“Joseph, son of David!”
Strange thoughts formed as he slept , . .
“Take Mary to yourself . . . as your wife . . . not to fear that she is with child . . .
The corners of his lips teased into a gentle smile.
What is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit . . .
She will give birth to a son. God’s Son -- your son . . .
You will give him a name . . . give him the name, Jesus . . . because he will save his people from their sins . . .
Remember the words of the prophet Isaiah . . . ‘A virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel,’ “God with us . . .’”
. . . your son, Joseph . . .
He awoke with an enormous sense of release and peace. Mary still a virgin? His love for her remained. He felt more intensely for her than ever before. Can it be? More than life, he wanted her to be his. He needed no further encouragement to do what his dreams had released him to do. He took Mary home to be his wife -- gladly! He knew that he loved her and that is exactly what God wanted of him. Joseph and Mary were married. He took her to his home and there they waited as her middle began to swell. It was easy. It was almost too easy. His desire burned for his wife, yet they had no sexual union until she gave birth to her son -- his son. The time of sexual abstinence seemed to him as nothing.
Dreams have a way of changing people.
